My first year at Trinity Lutheran Seminary at Capital University, I took a class called Death, Dying, and Grieving. When we got to the part of the class where we talked about grief, we learned about the stages of grief, which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. For some, grief is understood as having a very linear track. A person goes through one stage of grief and then the next, and once someone reaches the last stage, the grief is magically over.
The more I learned about grief, I realized that for many of us, grief is much more complicated than that. It is less of a linear path and more squiggly lines that cross all over the place that weave in between the stages and have no end. We also experience grief in a variety of ways; we can grieve the death of someone we love, a major change in our life or the world, a tragic event, and so much more. Learning to understand grief in this way helped me to start navigating my own journey of grief with my parents divorce, major life changes, and the death of friends and family.
I have been thinking about grief a lot more in the last few weeks, especially since my grandma's death on Valentine's Day. If I am being honest, I am not entirely sure where I am in my grief journey. There are some days where I feel like I go through all the stages but at the same time feel continually comforted that she is with God. Scripture is filled with many people expressing lament. Lament is another way of understanding and expressing sorrow, grief, and pain.
Lament is often expressed in the psalms. Psalm 22:1-2 says, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from helping me, from the words of my groaning? Oh my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but find no rest.” The psalmist cries out to God about the sorrow being experienced in their life.
I do not know what you are grieving, but we have reassurance that God is with us in our journey of grief and can handle our sorrow in all of the stages, highs, and lows. Perhaps you have seen God's reassuring presence amid your grief through the kindness of a good friend or family member who takes the time to listen to you, a kind note, or prayers.
In our Lenten theme, "Everything in Between," we have been talking about the messy middle that we experience in our lives. Often our grief is not in one stage or another but it's everything in between those stages. In what ways are you grieving? How are you seeing God walk alongside you in this journey?
Grieving with you,
Pastor Nicole