Several years ago I drove to Chillicothe, Ohio to meet my mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law (Brian’s mom and grandma) at a funeral home. No one had died. In fact, everyone was in perfect health and as far as we knew, there was nothing for us to be worried about. We sat with a funeral director and pre-planned everything from caskets to flower arrangements, and later, without the funeral director, I talked them through scripture passages and music.
What a gift it was a few years later when Brian’s grandma passed away and the difficult work of planning the service was already done. There were no difficult conversations about whether she would prefer this or that service that the funeral home provides. Those questions were all answered. No one had to pick from a list of sad hymns that might be appropriate or say, “what was that song she always used to sing to us at bedtime?” We had it all written down.
Most funeral homes are willing to pre-plan the funeral home parts of a funeral with you, and I encourage anyone to do that. But that’s not the part of the process that sits on my mind most days. What I would really love for everyone to do is make an appointment with Pastor Lowell or myself to sit down with planning resources and plan the liturgy for your Celebration of Life.
We have lists of scriptures and hymns that are traditional for memorials, and we love to discuss other readings and songs that are meaningful for you. Do you want to celebrate Holy Communion? Are there any other special things that you want to have happen during your celebration? The more you share about what those parts of worship mean for you, the more we can create a cohesive and memorable service.
Sometimes you’ll stop me after worship and say “I want that song for my funeral …” I really want to remember that for you. If you’re telling me on Sunday morning, though, there is a good chance that the next day I’ll remember you told me there was a song you liked, and I won’t remember which one. This is a great start, but having everything on paper is better.
When the day finally comes and your family is sitting with us to put everything together, their grief makes it difficult to make decisions. The thing is, we’re grieving, too, and we’re doing everything we can to stay strong for you because we love you and want to celebrate you in the most beautiful way we can. It would be amazing if you can help us do that for you.
Loving you on the journey,
John
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